I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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