he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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