I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize