I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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