Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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