I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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