i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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