and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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