The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I can text with my tongue
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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