I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
