I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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