im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
