i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize