Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
