So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
