When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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