my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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