guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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