This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
