so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
