my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
