this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just got carded by a ten year old.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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