Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
