i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
