There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize