She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
