just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
