I wish I could teleport
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
