...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Sober January is a disaster.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
