wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
