I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
