Nicole vs. Life
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
