I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
