he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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