Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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