did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
