We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
