I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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