I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
