i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
