somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
