would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
