he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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