Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
