yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
