He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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