So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
