the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
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