So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Randomize
