wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
