trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
