I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
