Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just had sex on a roof
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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