Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
