sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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