he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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