I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
