Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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