whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
