I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
