Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
