I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
