Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
