3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
