Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He is an equal opportunity slut.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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