Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
