My brain says no but my pants say off.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
