I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
