What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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