We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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