some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
