Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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