so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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