grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
