Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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